Spoken:
This is a special moment right now,
We'd like to take this time to tell all the kids at home,
Send your parents out of the room.
This is a kid's song.

Life's gonna suck when you grow up, when you grow up, when you grow up.
Life's gonna suck when you grow up, it sucks pretty bad right now.

Hey, if you know the words, sing along!

You're gonna have to mow the lawn, do the dishes, make your bed.
You're gonna have to go to school until you're seventeen.

It's gonna seem about three times as long as that!

You might have to go to war, shoot a gun, kill a nun.
You might have to go to war when you get outta school!

Hey, cheer up kids, it gets a lot worse!

You're gonna have to deal with stress, deal with stress, deal with stress.
You're gonna be a giant mess when you get back from the war.

Santa Clause does not exist, and there is no Easter Bunny.
You'll find out when you grow up that Big Bird isn't funny!
(Funny...Funny...Yahahahahaha....)

Life's gonna suck when you grow up, when you grow up, when you grow up.
Life's gonna suck when you grow up, it sucks pretty bad right now!

You're gonna wind up smoking crack, on your back, face the fact.
You're gonna wind up hooked on smack, and then you're gonna die!

AND THEN YOU'RE GONNA DIE! HEY-HEY!